Thursday musings...

I heard Mike Shanahan told Jake Plummer not to do any hunting in the offseason. As long as Jake stayed away from guns, he couldn't shoot himself in the foot...

Good thing that T.O. has returned to the Eagles. Without him, that offense is about as exciting as watching C--Span...

To be fair, that's not just applicable to the T.O.-less Eagles. The vast majority of squads in the NFL are boring these days. So many teams are going to "win ugly" this season, Paul Tagliabue ought to consider making Alan Dershowitz the league-wide mascot...

The Art Fleming/Sports Jeopardy question of the day: The category-Numbers. Contestant: "Numbers for $60." Art Fleming: "The a-a-a-a-nswer is...the daily double! Contestant, you can bet double the amount on this answer." Contestant: "I'll bet $120." Art Fleming: "The a-a-a-a-nswer is...6."Contestant: "...What are the number of Beano Cook's chins?" Art Fleming: "Correct for $120!"...

My neighborhood of Laguna Hills isn't too ethnically diverse. How do I know? The city's official Christmas carol is "Have a Caucasian Christmas"...

Lots of older people live in Laguna Hills, thanks to Leisure World. More hearing-aide device stores per square mile than any city in the country...

Don't tease Leisure Worlders about their age. The last time I bought something at Sears in Laguna Hills Mall, I thought I'd be cute and asked if they were still running the "under 55" discount. The cashier, a 60-something woman, was unimpressed. "Were you trying to be funny, young man?", she said...

Leisure World is the only place with a used golf-cart showroom. Older folks use them as cars around here...

Every man in Leisure World looks like John Wooden. Every woman looks like Barbara Bush. Even the dogs look old in Leisure World...

They're easy to entertain in Leisure World. Last week Trini Lopez appeared at the Community Center. It was his first gig in 31 years...

Next week's highlight at the Community Center: "Fess Parker Live"...

Going to the movies can be dangerous in Laguna Hills. Just today, we were walking down the aisle in the theatre, our eyes still adjusting to the dark, when I tripped over a damned walker that had been left in the aisle by a Leisure Worlder. I fell and spilled my Mr. Pibb. My first instinct was to get up and yell at the fool who left it there--until I saw it was an 80-something year-old lady, someone's great grandmother, extending her arm. "You okay, sonny?," she said. I forced a smile and said I was okay. What was I going to do, punch her out?...

Newsbabes--whatever happened to Lynne Russell? Now, there was a real woman. I bet she wore spurs to bed...